This week it took me a little more time than normal to write about this past weekend. September 3rd marked 9 months since Grant left this mortal Earth and for some reason I just couldn’t put words together to describe all that I felt or wanted to say. Labor Day this year was much different from what it once was. I once embraced it as a holiday in which I did nothing, but relax and soak up the time before I had to go back to school or work. This year for our family it signified something a little different; something nobody but us can really understand. I woke up this past Tuesday reminded of the labor I put into Monday; sore muscles, two big blisters on my fingers, and a body that had to roll off the bed to wake myself up. The first thing I thought of as I looked down at my grimy nails, once manicured, was how much I felt as though I was in ‘Grant’s Place’, not only in Pine River; but like I took Grant’s place in a more literal sense.
I spent my morning shoveling away my resentment with a shovel; pounding down into God’s green Earth wondering if I will ever get past the rollercoaster of anger and emotions. My afternoon was when I really felt like I was in Grant’s Place as I worked with Wesley on the front stone on the house. I felt as though I took on a major job and task for him and with him. It was a puzzle fitting each piece together; much like sorting all my thoughts each and every day. I was so proud as I stood back and saw the achievement we accomplished; the healing I somehow did that day with both Wesley and Grant. The healing will forever be something I endure and it will never fully go away. As this week has continued, I have been continuously reminded of my pain as I looked down at my large sores on my fingers. The wounds started really deep and painful and I tried to cover them with band aids to hide them from everyone else so nobody saw them or asked me about them. As the week progressed they started to heal and I no longer hide them with shame and fear. But then they cracked and hurt again and again. As the wounds re-opened and healed multiple times I began to notice the faint scars beginning to form. Just as the pain and hurt of losing someone over time the wounds mend together, but there are always scars that never go away nor will I ever forget.
Some major Updates in Grant’s Place; Siding is finally complete, some shutters installed, front cement step is complete, side door painted, screen door installed, knee-deep in landscaping and planting, stone is started, and last but not least ELECTRICAL INSPECTION PASSED!!! Thank you again to everyone for all of your hard work in helping my family through this journey. I love you all from the bottom of my heart. I am excited to share this week all the accomplishments from this weekend.
Full of Hope, Karmin