His Plan

I often wonder if God really does have a plan…. I look at our society and all the ‘planning’ that goes into every aspect of our lives. We plan for our day, we plan for our future, we plan for college, we plan for weddings, we plan parties, we plan for children. All this careful planning and sometimes our plan doesn’t always go as we hope. We don’t plan for bad things to happen. It makes me wonder if it’s all really in God’s plan or if sometimes he wants the best for us and evil intrudes on that plan. I just can’t understand how God can have sadness and evil within HIS plan. From my belief and experience I think God has what I call a ‘loose plan’. I do believe God has a general desire for everybody and for us all to be reunited in eternal life, but he couldn’t have full control over choices and accidents or being at the wrong place at the wrong time. I read this blog that reads;

“If God is fathering us, He is helping us discover what is good, right, pure, and worthy to pursue. He teaches us morality and ethics, but also gave us a heart filled with desire and longing. It’s as though God sets before us a big sheet of butcher paper and hands us a box of crayons and tells us to dream…. If God has something specific for you, you’ll know, I promise. But if He is setting a box of crayons down in front of you (a box of crayons called life) then by all means draw. He’s taught you right from wrong, good from bad, beautiful from profane, so draw. He will be with you, proud of you, cheering you on, so draw. He loves you, so draw in the inspiration of the knowledge of His love. Draw a purple horse, a red ocean, a nine-legged dog, it doesn’t matter. Lets stop being so afraid. Lets live, and show the world what it really means to be grateful we don’t live in a dysfunctional family.”

I can courageously admit that my anger with God has not gone away after 16 months. I still can’t believe Grant had to battle addiction and that God didn’t take that cross from him. I prayed every single day that God would take away Grant’s pain and take away his addictive behavior. Grant prayed even harder than myself. My parents prayed probably harder than both of us. After Grant passed away I sat in church crying saying I didn’t even know what to pray for anymore because all I wanted was for Grant to be free from addiction and God couldn’t do that. I felt as though God misheard me when I asked God to “save him”. I sometimes wonder if God’s interpretation of my plea was to save him from Earth and take him to his heavenly home. Maybe this was all in God’s plan, but I will forever struggle with how pain can be a part of His plan…

Grant’s big sis, Karmin

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Categories: Uncategorized | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “His Plan

  1. Karin gaertner

    I especially love your last paragraph, Karmin. I prayed for many years too. I naively thought that if someone found victory in recovering from addiction, then surely it would last. One day we will know. Hugs.

  2. Ann Sundermann SDHSRA Executive Secretary

    I want to especially say “Thank you” for this post. Through the year I have read these, felt your pain and empathized with all that you are going through. It has taught me that we all have our own story, our own fears and pain. If we can stop and realize that and help, even just a little, to someone that needs it then we are working in the right direction.

    Ann Sundermann

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