Parenting…

I guess they say there are no perfect parents, but I definitely feel we had the perfect parents for us. Our mom and dad have always been there for us, have always taught us to be kind, loving, humble, and genuine and care with our whole hearts, to be a good friend, and have modeled parenting that I envy. I believe everyone does the best they know how to do. Thankfully for me and my siblings we have the kind of parents that would sacrifice anything for us. If it meant trying to come up with the best Christmas presents when money was tight they put together my dad skills and my mom’s creativity and always became the perfect team. That year I remember Santa bringing me a handmade pink baby bunk bed, edged with pretty frilly lace. Looking back I never remember feeling their struggle, only beautiful memories like that. As we all grew that quality of my parents grew as well and became a quality in each of us. Especially for Grant, he knew no matter what, that my parents would be there for him with whatever he needed. Sometimes I think one thing that failed him was him denying further treatment at the sacrifice of his health because of the sacrifice my parents would make for it. He knew my parents would give up anything to heal his disease. I am very proud of my parents and sisters for never giving up and especially to Grant for never giving up. I’m proud that everyone can say without a doubt that his last words to them were “I love you.” It saddens me that Grant never got to become a parent because the second it happens to you, there is an overwhelming feeling that there is nothing you wouldn’t do for their happiness, health and safety. Being a mom myself I know there is no greater complement than someone complementing my child and I can quickly respond with an “I know and a Thank you.” There is nothing that makes me happier than seeing my child happy. I can sit doing absolutely nothing watching my kids have fun all day and guarantee it’s brought me even more joy than them. And then on the other hand there is nothing that hurts more than hearing or feeling someone’s negativity towards your child. And nothing saddens you more than when your child is sick and unhappy. Yesterday when I was at Lowe’s my little girl wanted to unbuckle from the cart and had a very unsafe idea of her own. I told her if she didn’t sit back down we had to go without the treat nana promised for being good. She continued climbing out so there I cruised out, ignoring her tantrum, while she screamed the whole way and people stared at us, feeling very judged and feeling that everyone was thinking I had a very naughty girl. This wasn’t the first time, nor will it be that last but this experience always hits me on a deeper level than that. I know as I am walking out of the store that there are those who have children of their own that have compassion for my situation and then those who haven’t experienced parenting and think in their own head “wow, she’s naughty” or “wow, that’s not how I would have handled that.” And then there are those who are parents who somehow raised a child who didn’t have temper tantrums in stores, who laid a judging eye towards me thinking I am a bad parent. I look to my own mom and know that it is just a small glimpse of how she has felt. Nothing makes her smile more right now than hearing how kind and loving Grant was, and I am so thankful that that is how people remember him. But nothing hurts her more than to have watched him deeply hurt or feel judged. I remember Grant in a face full of tears saying” Chelsey, you don’t know what it’s like to live with Grant, to have to live with the mistakes he has made while under the influence of this disease. That was not me and I have to be him.” I know what my mom was feeling, the same thing when people were staring. Grant was being judged and was in pain. As a parent there is no greater pain than that. I truly believe you cannot judge a book by its cover and thank you to my parents for showing us that. I have raised babies but have not raised teenagers that are sometimes not always capable of making the best decisions so I remind myself all the time to not judge because like Grant said, “you don’t know what it’s like.”
miscl (12)

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Categories: Uncategorized | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “Parenting…

  1. Rhonda

    So well written – love you!!

    • Nancy Sullivan

      Your words have just given your parents a wonderful gift…..and moved this mom (of grown children) to tears.

  2. Julie Doten

    You have such insight and a way with words. I love this post! ❤

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