A Steeple to Hope

All weekend long I have been thinking about the loneliness and for some the abandonment the demon of addiction controls. How there is such good and bad. How there is happy and sad; so much joy on one side, while pain and suffering on the other side. This past Saturday Mary and I were shooting a wedding at the United Methodist Church off of Hennepin Avenue in Minneapolis. The steeple on this church can be seen for miles and I’m sure at night most hurting would find a sort of peace just looking at it. To me it’s like a light house to the suffering trying to find their way home. At least to me church… Any church, there is hope for those who feel defeated. Saturday, before the wedding photos started, my heart stopped and I am so thankful Mary was there with me with total understanding of my breaking heart. There was this young man very ungracefully laying in the up and down position almost as if he had been dragging himself up the stairs before he finely passed out from whatever may be. I couldn’t stop staring at him as I was at a red light on Hennepin. My heart was pounding a hundred miles an hour asking Mary if she could tell if he was breathing. We were meeting our bride and groom at another location in down town Minneapolis and when the lights turned green I continued on to the parking ramp where I expressed to Mary how that bothered me so much. It broke my heart as a parent knowing that was someone’s child laying there. All these cars going by and no one stops to help. Had someone called for help or are we as a community so immune to this that no one cares because there’s too much of it? Is it that as a community or location there is so much that people have lost all compassion for the suffering? I know they are suffering. Trust me I know better and I also drove away, but it’s bothered me till even now. I’m writing about it… If it was a dog someone would have called… Someone. For those that say well a dog doesn’t know better and has no intent of being lost. Well neither does a young man who went the wrong direction in life, nor the mentally ill or the veterans that have lost their minds fighting for our country. They’re all out there.
Mary and I made out way back to that church as big as its own block and all day as I photographed this special day of someone’s life my heart hurt for the young man lying on the other side of that very same church having one of the worst days of his. I could only imagine the pain in his heart when he woke up; the shame he felt because I know the shame is something an addict never feels relief from. Even maybe as intoxicated as he was that steeple lead him to rest.

I know some would say that some of them don’t want help or will not allow others to help them, but I think my point is whether the lost allow the helping hand of others or not. We are not the judge of their destiny. God’s people pray for healing and prosperity. It is devilish arrogance to condemn or judge a child of God.  I still find myself at times swimming in a pool of my own ignorant  thought.  Throughout the years of growing in my faith I did my best to live by Gods pages of goodness thinking I thought as a Christian I had a right to. I was a snob… Some struggle with other Earthly shame. I did judge addiction 5 years ago. Even in the beginning I blamed everyone else for this addiction. How could I? I am a loving mom; read all the books, brought them to church… How dare I be slapped in the face with this.  I was wrong to judge this disease and more or less than cancer, heart disease, obesity, or anorexia. I just hope that if my exit off this Earth is as unexpected as a car accident that the ones judging my departure has a better response to my death than some have had with Grant’s. Well, that’s the consequences you chose getting into that vehicle.

Saturday lead me to many feels and thoughts of how I myself judged these sorts of situations in the past. Grant would have found compassion and went out of his way to check on this child of God. He has taught me to have compassion for a boy laying on that stair way to hope or the women on the next corner begging for money. Grant would say, “For whatever reason not everyone is lucky enough to wake up in their right mind every day. If you do count your blessing that is not your earthly war to face every day.”

Grant has taught me to ask God to help the helpless. He encourages me not to judge or discriminate a disease or hardship. There is not always something you can do to help, but a cry out to God for their sake when they may be to weary is something you can do on their behalf. There are so many gifts my boy continues to gift me with each day. They may no longer be the material things, but the greatest gift called love.

This image was given to me by Grant and reminded me much of Jesus loving and holding those suffering…
I Love you Grantie. Love,  Mama

Categories: Uncategorized | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “A Steeple to Hope

  1. Mama

    So beautifully said Kim. Matthew 7:1-5, Jesus said: Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. For others will treat you as you treat them. Whatever measures you use in judging others, it will be used to measure how you are judged. And why worry about a spec in your friends’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think in saying, Friend, let me help you get ride of the speck in your eye, when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye, then perhaps you will see well enought to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.

  2. Jill Reamer

    Beautifully written, Kim. I totally know what your meaning, funny thing is throughout Nicks cancer journey, he would stop and help the needy, homeless along the streets when we were both in Boston and Houston as in these two places we came upon them daily in our travels to hospitals daily. Nick always stopped to give a dollar or cig or a hand or sometimes just a smile and a few words to brighten their day. We all need to remember that we are all Gods people, and if you happened to see the posting I posted on fb, where a new pastor dresses as a homeless man, an mingles with the congregation on the day they were to welcome him to their church, but during this time they all shunned and ignored this man. Then a person from the church asked that the new pastor come up, all were shocked and shamed when he got up and approached the front of the church…reminding them all of Gods words. Great story!

    I follow and my heart hurts along side of your, our boys are both in heaven, from totally different causes. I remember how concerned and worried Nick was about Grant, at the time I didn’t know the why, he kept that to himself. Then when Nick passed, and Grant was here daily and so distraught over his passing I could see a pain he carried, a inner fear….that now I wonder if somehow he knew that he would be joining Nick sooner, than later. There was such a haunted look in his eyes, made many of us wonder.
    Hugs from this momma’s heart to yours. Jill

  3. Rhonda

    I was one of those people….had a picture in my head (probably from TV shows) of what a drug addict looked like. I don’t consider myself to be a judgemental person, but I know I had a picture of a rough looking character, when the description “drug addict” came into a conversation. Throughout the years of knowing Grant, and getting to know you and your family, I am ashamed….. I know addiction comes in all shapes and sizes. Grant was such a beautiful person, with a heart that he wore on his sleeve. And the continuing entries in this blog, continue to teach us all about the disease, and about family, the love of him for his family, and also for all the love you have for each other. Thank you for sharing your stories, things you’ve felt and learned, sharing your thoughts with everyone. I know Grant would be so proud of you, for spreading the word….therefore helping many families that may be facing something similar….

  4. again, thank you

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