Where do I go from here? I’ve been thinking a lot about the direction my writing will take me as my greif continues. Like Karmin said a few months ago, “Grant’s Place will always be a project our family will find pleasure working on, updating, and repairing“. I foresee many new additions to come in the future, but for a while Steve and I just need to take time to take it all in. By that I mean everything; the project of Grant’s Places was an enormous part of our way of grieving. We allowed Grant’s dreams, desires and legacy to bloom and never wither away. But today, today I must say I just feel tired. The business has allowed me to focus on things when I felt not only unbalanced, but blind to my reality of life without him… Grant would have never wanted me to be so driven to get things done that I stress myself to the level I did fighting his disease. I think any parent with a child that is sick with any illness makes that illness their own in a strange way. We as parents fight a fight like no other. I wouldn’t have had the energy to fight for myself as hard as I fought for Grant. Addiction was an obsession to me. Grant’s legacy has become an obsession with me… Grant wouldn’t have wanted that… So for a while you may not see a lot of blogs on the progress of Grant’s Place in the form of building, but I find this blog a way for me to seek my heart and I plan to do that. For many you may turn away from following this blog and I understand that. Some know I write more in depth then is posted and I plan to share a bit more of that as I post. I will say that if you’re not in the mood to ride along with my emotions… Don’t read, but I do know there are others on this journey of grief that won’t feel so alone in their tiredness. I share a lot of my writing with Karmin and I think her words describing me are…‘raw humor makes me laugh and cry at the same time’. I may not always be nice so I apologize for that. Sometimes I curse, but my friends already know I do every now and then. Trust me, I laugh and make fun of myself far more than others. Maybe for others that walk a step behind me, ahead of me or those that are walking with me can find understanding for my rollercoaster’s of emotion. Some days will be light hearted and maybe even funny Other days may be deep, dark and more emotional then you want to read and that’s okay. Grants Place, even in a blog form, can kind of be My Place too.
Blog. Blog. Blog.