I have had a lot on my mind today… Some days thoughts and feelings come from every direction. Usually I make it to work between the early hours of 5:45 and 6:30; thoughts and feeling run through my head and if I had a key pad on my steering wheel I’d be on the side of the road writing; arriving to work late and probably ramble more than I already do. Things I would like to write about so early in the day, but as the day goes by those thoughts just sort of melt into the rest of my ‘held on hold thoughts’. Most of the thoughts I keep to myself and others I am inclined to share. Some days my thoughts and feeling are no longer than a paragraph and others are long, painful… And yeah, maybe even mean. But it’s, I guess, my therapy of sorts. When I go back and read my guts pouring over or my raw humor I seem to reason with myself and find understanding in my anger, confusion or bitterness. I have great respect for counseling, but I also think it’s something very personal; like a friend. I think the best shrink would be the one wise and understanding to your situation and the first visit will more than likely give you the answer. My first visit… I think the poor lady thought I was going to begin with a sorry ass story of how my life was crazy at home, I had too much on my plate at work, or maybe my dog died and I couldn’t deal with the loss and emptiness I felt. When I looked at the empty cage thru the rearview mirror of my Subaru… For most that statement seems cruel and crazy, but when you have lost a child it puts a lot of emotions into perspective and that is what I mean when I make the statement some days I just feel mean and have mean thoughts… Little do people know how silly and thoughtless their statements are. I’m not trying to be callous in my thoughts and words that’s just how deep my pain feels. There was a time in my life these very things were my rock bottom and now I don’t give a shit about your beloved rabbit dying on the way to the bunny urgent care. I’m appalled you would continue comparing your grief. Geez, do I need a call button to pull? It would be inexcusable for me to say what I think or my thoughts. Those who have lost a child know exactly what I mean. Grant’s death opened a door to what’s really important. It’s as simple as how you ‘don’t talk about the fat lady when the fat ladies in the room’ and you should know better than to talk about a lot of stupid things with me. Boy, am I being honest today… I made it through one counseling session… Yes one. Wrong lady to see aaannnddd I should probably seek others, but this was where I left off. Those of you that are in this field I agree I didn’t seek out others or seek out the right person for me, but it is a funny story to tell… Things do make me laugh… Especially stupid things! Well, stupid to me… “Hello Kim”… right off the bat this was not a lady I would EVER roll with in life and the minute I walked in the door she was waiting to hear about my stress level at work and life balance… Not how I found my son in his room overdosed on oxy in 2009… What was shocking was how a person in that profession that prescribes medication was totally absent to the fact that Oxycodone was a drug of choice and a rapidly growing epidemic in our nation. In all respect to her she may have been 100% on her game to stress, death and dying; she was CLUELESS to the incline of drug use in the world of low/middle and upper class. Little to know that Adderall is abused as an upper and that it’s an epidemic… Those who know me know I respect intelligent and still can laugh at stupid and trust me… even the ‘book smart peeps’ have their book marker on the stupid page some days. Okay I’ll be nice… ‘naive’. Short and sweet, I was not counseled at all that hour… I informed her on the real world of addiction she seemed to be oblivious to. God bless her..… I wish I could write how I would imitate that visit.