The frigid temperatures have been the subject of just about every conversation lately. You go to the store, on the phone, talk with a close friend or someone you barely know and the cold temps will definitely be a part of the conversation. For me this weather chills me straight to the bone and has begun to make me crabby. I have to remind myself that any temperature I feel is a feeling I should embrace because it means I’m alive and on that note I need to remind myself I’m blessed.
This morning on my way into Minneapolis I was at a stop light and couldn’t help but giggle at what I think was a younger man. This person was so bundled up I couldn’t tell if it was a boy or girl. In fact his hood was pulled up so tight I couldn’t even see a face. It was a pleasantly long light this morning because it is moments like this that distract me (good or bad). I seem to find a message in some of the most random things in life, something I never really did before losing Grant. For me it is a feeling of his presence. Maybe some would say otherwise but I find myself seeking these messages out like I never did before. Most of the time in my mind, sometimes even out loud, I find myself asking Grant what I should learn from whatever scenario I am pondering on or that that took my attention away. Whether it’s something that makes me cry or something on a cold morning like today that makes me giggle all the way to work I ponder about the message.
Mornings can be hard; another day waking up to reality. The everyday routine of getting ready, pouring my bucket of coffee just to repeat the same mundane commute to work but with an emptiness I will never fill in the same way, seems so tiring, especially in a winter that’s been this long. So anything in the present that reminds me of Grant, even if it means something as simple as a message, I feel his presence with me.
So back to the stop light and bundled up young man at the stop light. As I was slowing down for this light I could see this guy just dancing away, not just shifting his feet a bit, this guy was dancing like he had just won a lottery. Whatever the music was playing in his ears put him in a happier place or just a place that helped keep him physically warm by dancing. As I approached the light, I sat there watching him, my thoughts went from negative to a full blown giggle. He just kept on dancing. My first thought was, “he’s crazy” then…the messages started to flow… I could think negative about this situation, thinking he was weird or out of his right mind. Just as he could have felt negative about standing out on the corner of a busy street waiting for a bus watching all of us leisurely sitting in our warm cars complaining about getting stopped at once again another red light. The message that worked its way into my mind was that he’s finding and embracing whatever pleasure he can in the miserable situation he was in because baby it was cold outside, -12 on my odometer. And he still made whatever the situation he was in as joyful as possible.
I thought about this all day at work for a lot of reasons. God and Grant both know, along with several other people, I have been whining and whining about the weather and how cold it’s been. Being I have two wedding this weekend with temps not looking anywhere above 0 has been making me cringe. But this morning was my message that this weekend was something to look forward to, cold or not. I worry about my hair and the thought of wearing a hat. That young guy dancing at the bus stop reminded me that it isn’t my big day and that my job is important to someone and well… just wear the hat, no one cares what my hair looks like and if I feel cold…. just dance.
Thank you Grant for opening my eyes, helping me grow and always reminding me that it’s true …if I just listen I realize just how close he is. I Love you to the moon and beyond, Mama