Sometimes I think that conversations I had with Grant in his short life on Earth were not for that present moment, but for all the days in my grief. It is almost like we needed to have those conversations to make life without him feel as if he is still here or to give me the message/advice I need today. I have so many memories with Grant, but I have a select few that stand out so vividly to me because God knew I need those words of comfort in the days to come.
I remember one conversation that is very significant to me… And now that I am expecting my first baby I think about it even more. It was about him protecting my children. He told me that he promised he would make sure that my children never had the struggles he had. He promised me that he would instill fear into them and teach them to never make a poor decision of experimenting with his demon. He truly wanted the best for them and he didn’t even know them yet… They didn’t exist, but he was telling me he will always be there for them. I truly believe that Grant will be the most amazing Guardian Uncle to my baby. I believe he will teach and guide just as any wonderful Uncle could on Earth or even better. He will be with us as baby takes its first breaths and the day this child takes off on its bike for the first time. He will be the proud wings holding them up in their times of trouble and the beaming sunshine in their moments of joy.
After we lost Grant a friend of mine who didn’t know Grant met him in a dream. Grant awoke him with messages to share with me through a song. One of the verses sings this:
To my nieces and nephews and my future ones too
Be happy, take pride in all that you do
Know I am with you wherever you go
I’m your guardian Uncle, I’ll help you to grow
These beautiful lyrics touch my heart because for the last few years it’s really bothered me knowing Grant won’t be on Earth to welcome my children. I’ve felt like they won’t know him and they won’t be able to see for themselves what a wonderful, caring, loving, and thoughtful man their Uncle Grant was. I know I will be able to share stories and talk about him so they feel they know him, but that physical absence in their lives is very emotional to me. I want them to know how much I love Grant and how his death has affected me wholly.
I believe that Grant has already met my baby and was the first to know its beautiful soul. I believe God and Grant made sure this baby was perfect; loyal, honest, giving, and so much more. Grant always told me that Dan and I would have the most beautiful children. As this baby continues to grow I know that they made sure it had the most perfect beating heart and the most radiant little nose. I know that this baby’s Uncle Grant held him/her first… and I know he will help them to grow.